Even after the date change miracle, I thought that I might just be going crazy after all of this Africa stuff. The next day at a quiet time, I sat down with Brad and told him what had happened and how I felt about it. I cried when I said, "I think I am (and then I clarified), we are, supposed to go to Kenya!" Brad was listening carefully and right there with me, and after I showed him the happening that I thought was more than a coincidence but a real direction from heaven, he too felt that it might be true. So we decided to take it to the Lord (ignoring for the moment our lack of funds to even see it through). We went to the temple the next day.
We did everything that we could to be prepared in spirit when we went, pleading for direction and confirmation. Three times, I received a powerful witness that it was true that I should go. But I was also aware that I had made one covenant that relied heavily on Brad's also feeling the same way, and that was a deal-breaker if he didn't come away having the same feeling and answer; it was a covenant that I was determined to keep...because, again, I wanted to do things the right way.
In the temple parking lot, Brad told me that he had received a very clear and unmistakable answer that we should not go. He mentioned feeling a mental dark fog and a stupor of thought.
Although a little confused, I was mostly relieved. I felt that someone had finally lifted the burden of "what should I do?!" off of my shoulders. Maybe it was all a test of willingness, I thought. I just didn't know, but it didn't matter. If Brad was counseling against it, I had my answer. And I was okay with that, though a little sad, but it would be alright.
The next morning, I opened in the scriptures to some verses that said that the Lord wold send his word out to the children in the far off places of the world. The next day, the scriptures opened up to another page of bringing his word to the tribes and people who are ready. I couldn't believe it was still happening. I showed the verses to Brad, not knowing what to think. His counsel was, "Christin, when I went to the temple, I received an answer that I should not go, and that we should not go. I didn't ask or get an answer that you should not go. If you feel that the Lord is wanting you to go, you better ask and do what you feel is right." I asked for clarification, and he confirmed that he had no counsel for me against my going.
Meanwhile, we still had the question of where the money would come from. A healthy tax return was coming, and after catching up with the bills and paying ahead some, there would only be enough left for about half of the trip--and we would be left with nothing in the bank upon our return home. We prayed about it, and waited to see what time would bring.
That same week, a friend came late to pick up her bread, which happened to be at a time that we could visit together for a while. She asked how my friend was in Kenya. I told her that he was fine, but that we were confused as to what to do, because I felt like I should go, and Brad felt like he shouldn't. Plus there was the obvious money problem. My friend told me that if I decided to go to Kenya, she would like to help support us financially for it.
The money problem was solved, and her support for the trip was just enough to make it financially possible.
Brad and I both felt like if we would trust the Lord enough to use our money for this purpose, combining it with the money that was offered for assistance, that we would be blessed in return, and in a timely way, that we wouldn't fail. We felt that the Lord was telling us that he would take care of us if we would trust him.
We went to the temple again, and again I received an unmistakable answer that it was time to go and bring the word to the people in the bush of Kenya. I made the decision to go. It didn't matter if it seemed crazy to everyone else, as unusual as it was, I knew what the Lord was telling me. He had told me through miracles. He had told me through an alignment of details. He had told me in scriptures. He had told me in prayer. He had told me in the temple. He had made arrangements by bringing others who could help into the picture at all of the right times. He had even worked numerous times, from the very beginning, through a Kenyan from the bush of Africa. And most importantly, he had constantly told me in my heart. What else could he do to show me that this was real, that he wanted little Christin to go serve those African people? He is my God. From this moment, I would stop reasoning, and obey the Lord's command, without question, and allow myself to finally do so joyfully and faithfully. Once that decision was made, I had a complete flood of peace enter into my heart and every part of my body that I had never felt so fully and completely before. It completely enveloped me, for the rest of the day and all that week. It was absolute, complete, tranquility.
I remember thinking that I had never known something more positively, absolutely, and affirmatively in my entire life.
I was going to Kenya.
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When we began to consider the trip to Africa, I knew that I just couldn't comfortably go alone, so we decided that our oldest son, Dallin (16), would accompany me, and we saw that it could be a great eye-opening and humbling experience for him. He might enjoy it too.
So, we bought the tickets for both Dallin and I, and started to make plans to go to Kenya.
Our preparations were exhaustive, including learning everything about the culture, the foods, the roads of Nairobi, and the outer areas, all of the various transportation, which areas were less safe than others, food and water safety, and what other things to be watchful and careful about. I did research for hours each day about passports, visas, laws, immunizations, news happenings in Kenya, Kenya history and holidays, politics, money value of exchange, language patterns, gestures, wildlife, and landscape....and I watched hours and hours of videos of all kinds live from Kenya. I bought tickets and made arrangements for where to stay at night. We even learned a lot of tricks about how to hide money in a creative way and what things make you more vulnerable, and how to look more like a local and less like a target. I changed my diet patterns so that I could go a long time without food, without having withdrawal symptoms, and I began to work out my muscles, heart, and lungs in case I would need them. I wanted to go as fully prepared in mind and body as possible to this third world country.
But none of those things were enough to keep respected loved ones from worrying about me/us when they learned that I was taking a trip to Kenya for such a bizarre reason as to "meet up with a friend who I had been writing to on facebook, to share the gospel." I don't blame them, in fact now I know more than ever that they love me. But some did frighten me with their words which were meant to lead me to believe that I was selfishly leaving my family to go and walk straight to my death -or even worse-, and that I was foolishly and carelessly bringing our son Dallin into the same perilous situation. They thought it was absolute insanity, and would not hear any explanation from me.
I could sense how disturbed they were, and the fear that they conveyed was enough to set me back in my faith and trust in the Lord for a short time, (but not permanently). It took some time and prayer to get me back into focus. So I decided that it was best for all of us not to say much about the trip, just to hurry up and go. So we were quiet as we prepared, and just before our trip I sent a general email to family informing them of our humanitarian service/faith trip to Kenya.
But some things still needed to be shared about my Spring Break plans, because of social arrangements that needed to be made. A particular couple who are close friends to our family was very concerned for me, and asked that I just please, speak to the Bishop about it. Of course! I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought to do that already, especially since the whole thing began with a missionary challenge from Bishop. I made an appointment, and with printouts and photos in tow, I went and downloaded the whole story to him. I knew that I would believe him and trust him if he thought that I was going crazy or being deceived by the wrong voice.
"This is an extaordinary experience that you are having," he said, "and I think that these things are happening from Heavenly Father. I just.wish that I could know that you had someone in Kenya to watch out for you". He worried about our safety. It was true that I knew no one there. I said, "I just feel like after all this has happened, that if I don't go, I would be dropping the ball on the Lord." Bishop choked up, and with kind tear-filled eyes he said, "I know--that you would definitely not be dropping the ball on the Lord. He has promised that the gospel will spread to all lands and all people, and his promise will be fulfilled in time. He will send the gospel out to them in time." I cried a little too, and thought that maybe I better just stop it. I was making eveyone so worried about me, and putting so much at risk.
I went home, a little relieved, but then once I started to realize that it was over, I wept and wept in my husband's arms. Brad surprised me (and himself, he said later). He had been internally trying to come to peace with my leaving to Africa. It would have been a relief to him at this point if I had decided not to go. But instead of being relieved that his wife was staying home, he turned me away from that decision in the Bishop's office by saying, "Christin, just go to sleep, and don't worry about it tonight. You can make the decision in the morning. You'll know what the Lord wants you to do."
The next morning I awoke with a persistent thought: One trusted friend. One trusted friend.
With that thought in my head, I readied for the first child that I care for each day to arrive. I answered the door, and his mother (who is my good friend and had hoped that I would speak to Bishop) asked how it went with Bishop. When I told her, she sympathetically said "you must be a little sad." I admitted that I was. I expected her to be happy that Bishop had talked some sense into me, but instead, she thought for a moment, then she started to tell me of a good college friend that she had roomed with, a woman from Houston, who presently lives in Kena near Nairobi, and she had been living there for two years for a humanitarian project. "She is on facebook, and a really nice, great person. You should contact her and ask her about Kenya," she said.
So I did. Here is the beginning of our chat from facebook.
(I took out some information for her own privacy)
- Conversation started March 2
- ____________________________
What a blessing and a peace to have a friend -from Houston- right there in Kenya! It was such a comfort to be able to picture a trusted friend in Kenya, rather than feeling that we were going completely on our own (though I knew without a doubt that I had the Lord's help).
A few days later we were also given the phone number of a missionary couple who served in Nairobi a year ago, Brother and Sister Babcock.
Elder Babcock talked with me for an hour, and he gave me a lot of great advice about travel, areas, the people, and culture. He encouraged me that it is alright to get around in Kenya if you know what to expect.Then he told me that he had a great tip, which proved to be a mercy and blessing in Kenya. He gave me the number of a church member and a close friend of theirs, who the mission office used on a regular basis, named Victor. Victor spoke great English, they said, and would help us go anywhere safely, and would know about anything that we would need to know to get the things accomplished that we needed to do.
That week I also found the names and phone numbers of 8 bishops in the area, and the addresses in Nairobi where they lived.
I now had a lot of resources and trusted friends in Kenya.
Time to move forward again.
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This is a nice video that inspired me through those days:
NEXT PAGE: 8- One Step Closer
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